Thursday, April 1, 2010

Holy week takes on a whole new meaning when you are a church secretary. I honestly think it's more difficult than Christmas, lol. 4 services this week alone...man, I'm beat! Between getting ready for Easter (um, yeah, forgot about that cute little fuzzy guy that visits on Sunday until a brief, "uh oh" moment yesterday...no worries, he will still come!), battling a stomach virus (again, see statement above regarding difficulty for said ,church secretary during Holy week), getting my house clean and packing to visit my MILY (translation, Mother -in- law, the "y" is just for fun), God's peace and quiet He intended for me this week has completely escaped my timeline. As I sat down at the computer between running errands today, texting my BFF who is on her way to a glorious 3 day weekend at the beach, and running Gracie to guitar lessons, it hit me. This is the day before Jesus was crucified. Truthfully I knew that and have been cognizant of it all day, but it just hit me like a ton of bricks. We have 4 gospel accounts of Jesus ministry, His trial, His crucifixion, His death, His burial and His resurrection. But I wonder, in my heart of hearts, what Jesus felt during this time. These hours before He was to sup with His beloved disciples, who had no idea what was to happen that night. I wonder where His heart and mind truly were. It's documented that as Jesus went to the Mount of Olives to talk with His Daddy, He took some of His disciples with Him (John and Simon Peter I believe)...and we think Mark followed, otherwise, no one would have been able to tattle on the sleeping disciples! As the story goes, Jesus poured His heart out to His Daddy, like any of us would, only more passionately. His friends fell asleep, they were that moved, lol. It says Jesus sweated blood. If you research it, that was likely, although I know God does miracles every day, a nervous system reaction to the stress He was under. Can you imagine being so stressed you sweat blood?

So I was just poking around on facebook and I thought man, I have totally forgotten what today is all about...so I wandered off of FB and headed to my thinking zone. I wonder what Jesus was thinking and feeling that afternoon at this time. Was He scared? Wouldn't you be?!? He knew what was coming. I know He never begrudged me for having to do this deed, He loved me too much. I think that makes my heart hurt worse. He never felt anger or ill will toward me. He just did it. He knew it was what had to be done. I can't wrap my mind around that. I wonder if He had a twinge of excitement...knowing this one deed would save all of mankind who accepted it! I wonder if He had some trepidation, knowing many would never believe, yet He was doing it for them too anyway.

My Jesus. My Savior. His sacrifice, His love...tonight was just the beginning of all of it. The next 18 or 19 hours would be pure Hell on earth for my Beloved Savior. It's hard not to feel guilty. I do to a degree. My ugliness is what caused His pain to happen. But I know He never hated me, begrudged me or had any anger toward me. That, in a nutshell, makes it bearable and worth telling. I can say this...for anyone that has never accepted Him, it HAS to be because they just don't believe in it all...they don't believe in God. Because if you believe in God at all, you'd have to believe in the Love that He sent to this world to be the propitiation for our sins. I just don't see how you couldn't. So I think I'll be introspective and reflective tonight as I keep on my heart and mind just exactly what Jesus was going through...not just the physical, but the emotional as well.

Praise be to God for a Savior that looked past my ugliness and saw what I could be, a beautiful child of His!

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