So I really think I'm living up to my full potential. Sounds like high school, right? No really. I know as followers of Christ we all fall short every day of His glory. But I really feel like I'm not meeting up to His expectations of me. I felt a pull to women's ministry several years ago. I've been mediocre in that at best. I've led a few studies, a women's retreat, stuff like that but I don't think I'm fulfilling exactly what God wants of me. I know there are areas of my life that are less that what He expects of me and I know those are the things that are holding me back. But how do you get rid of them? I know...Romans 12 tells us to be transformed daily by the renewing of our minds...that's hard. Especially when your mind wants to go one way and the Holy Spirit is tugging it earnestly in a different direction. Nothing terrible or bad...just one of those things where I'm not focused on what I should be. It's like I know that if I submit totally, I will have to fulfill what God asks of me and sometimes that is scary to me. The last time I submitted fully to Him? I got on a jet plane and missioned myself out in Haiti. Was is great? Absolutely! Was I face to face with God in my journey...beyond the highest measure I could express, never felt closer. But it was the breaking of my fleshly spirit to get me to that place that was so painful. Was the reward worth it? Absolutely...I guess I get gun shy of what exactly He will require of me when I do submit myself fully...not that I don't think He'll carry me through abundantly, I just don't feel worthy of the calling...does that make sense? I know He delights in me...He shouts with joy for me...He is my warrior...My salvation...so why am I so hesitant?? Maybe now I'm not so hesitant...maybe now I think I can do this...yeah...let's go for it...ready? Set....Submit! Good luck...I'll keep you posted and you keep me in your prayers. :)